I find it very odd to know exactly what day I will get to meet my baby. I'm finding that there are both good things and bad things about it. On one hand, it's very convenient to know that we have a plan for Tyler and won't have to worry about getting him somewhere quickly. Unless of course this guy comes a few days early. :-) It has also been nice to be able to plan out grocery shopping and get the things everyone will need while I'm not home. But on the other hand, I know exactly what day I will be having surgery. And I am not a fan of the thought of being awake for a major surgery! I was asleep for my C-section with Tyler and it wasn't planned. So I didn't have time to think about it. It was an emergency and it happened fast. This time I've had way too much time to think about it! But I know that everything about it will be worth it when I am awake to actually see my baby when he is born! I really missed that with Tyler. I didn't get to see him for a couple of hours and I barely even remember it. I remember waking up and asking right away to see him. But I was still a little groggy and getting pain meds worked out and I don't actually remember my first look at him. Breaks my heart. So I am thankful and excited that this time I will be able to see him right away like I should!
I am also thankful that it's finally nice outside! I really imagined myself spending a lot of time on walks and at parks with Tyler before this baby was born. And as much as I love snow, and as breathtakingly beautiful it has been, I am so glad that these few days before baby will be nice and Tyler can finally run around and get his energy out! We have spent a lot of time outside this weekend enjoying the park and walks and just relaxing and hanging out as a family. My only plans for this week are to freeze a few meals, get lots of sleep and spend lots of fun time with Tyler. And most likely at some point we will walk to Dairy Queen together. :-) I should also probably pack for the hospital.
As I've been thinking about this new baby, it's funny how different I feel than I did getting ready for Tyler. We were so ready for a baby the first time, but yet, you don't really know until it happens how amazing and wonderful and crazy it is! This time we are also so ready to meet this baby, but we know that his arrival affects more than just us. And so I'm constantly trying to think of things that will help make the transition easier for Tyler. The funny thing is, most of my thoughts are backfiring because Tyler's timing is different than my own. We wanted him switched to his new bedroom months ago so he would have lots of time before he saw his old one become his new one. Instead, it was just a few days before we were setting it back up for a baby. He's been pretty good about it, but he has also gone in there a few times and pulled things out and told us they are his. And then stuffed them in his closet because he has no use for them. Like the dozens of cute little square blankets and animal blankets that he never even really used much. Now they are important to him. :-) And the four books (of his 5 bajillion) that I took off the living room shelf and moved onto the baby's bookshelf to fill it up more. Those are living room books! Not for the baby room. If we made him stop using his Nuk right now, I think it would actually go pretty well. He only uses it to sleep, and lately he keeps forgetting about it. He even went one whole night without it. But we don't really want to take it away right before baby. And the last thing I want to be doing right now is potty training. But Tyler wants to! So we are taking baby steps towards that. And after a few weeks we can see how he's doing and maybe actually go for it.
Tyler is very sweet and very loving, so I'm really not worried about him being gentle and good to the baby. I know that he will be (at least he won't try not to be). But I do worry about how he will feel. As much excitement as I feel about meeting my baby boy, I also feel anxious about how Tyler will do when I'm not home. How he will feel when I can lift the baby, but I can't lift him for six weeks. How he will feel when I don't come home for four or five days because I'm staying with the baby. I know he will survive it. And he will get to visit, and Carl will still go home and spend time with him. And he will have lots of fun with my mom! He's already planning out his time with her. But I also think it will be a little hard for him. A couple weeks ago when I wasn't home for bedtime, he woke up the next morning and instead of his usual, "Mommy, come here, I up!" It was, "Mommy, get home!" So I know there might be hard parts for him, but I keep reminding myself that this baby is a gift and a blessing for him too! He will have a little brother to play with and have fun with, to teach his crazy antics to and to be his permanent friend. He just might not realize it at first. :-)
Baby Boy,
We are so excited to meet you! We have been praying for you for much longer than just nine months. We cannot wait to see your sweet face and discover your personality. We already love you more than you could possibly understand. You are already a perfect fit for our family. God created you perfectly and wonderfully and we are so ready to hold you in our arms and love you forever. It doesn't matter what you look like, what you love to do, or anything else. We feel so blessed that God has given us the honor of being your parents. And we hope you always know that no matter what happens in this life, we will always love you. And we will always be here for you.
Now, let's try to have a less dramatic and scary entrance into this world than your big brother did, ok? :-)
Love,
Your Mommy
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